World Childless Week: The added challenges of being childless in France

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5 Responses

  1. Brandi Lytle

    Thank you for sharing so openly! I’m glad that you are getting ready to be in a new home that’s focused on you and your hubby. My husband and I are currently renovating our home and it has been nice to create a snug just for the two of us (and our fur baby, of course). The walls are filled with family pictures of nieces, nephews, friends, our exchange daughter, our puppies (past and present). But the room is just for us and the house is just for us. We no longer plan for a baby. We accept that we are infertile and childless. And that’s okay because our life is pretty darn good! Hope you love the Bahamas!

    • Nicci

      My pleasure Brandi and thank you for commenting. I love the description of your snug just for the two of you. Sounds perfect! When we move to the Bahamas the focus will be on creating the lifestyle that we both want and then design the house that supports that. So space for us, space for the fur babies (currently 3 dogs and 2 cats!) and space for a boat for loads of sailing! We wish you years of happiness in your snug too.

  2. artemise

    En France ce n’est pas facile de faire bouger les mentalités car tout tourne autour de la maternité et bien que je sois française on se sent aussi dans notre propre pays pas forcément compris et c’est à l’étranger que je trouve le plus de ressources sur une vie possible sans enfant.

    • Nicci

      Merci pour votre commentaire. Je suis désolé que ma réponse ne soit pas en français parfait. J’espère que vous comprenez l’essence même de ce que je dis. Je ne savais pas qu’il n’y avait pas de soutien en France. En anglais, et en faisant tellement sur Internet, nous avons cherché un soutien en anglais. Il y a dix ans, il y avait très peu de soutien en Angleterre ou en ligne. Heureusement, cela change maintenant lentement. Espérons que la situation s’améliorera ailleurs dans le monde, la France suivra rapidement.

      En ce qui concerne les attitudes générales, il est étrange que nous comprenions tous les choses différemment. J’avais pensé qu’en France à bien des égards c’était tellement plus facile. Alors que les enfants sont l’objet de la famille lorsque vous voyez de grandes familles se socialiser ensemble, les enfants sont présents et pourtant pas le centre d’attention. On s’attend à ce qu’ils soient respectueux envers leurs aînés et se taisent quand ils ont dit qu’ils faisaient trop de bruit. Se comporter mal car ils s’ennuient n’est pas une option. Dans un restaurant en Angleterre si un enfant s’ennuie, tout doit s’arrêter afin que l’enfant puisse être amusé. Je m’attends à ce que la réalité malheureuse soit que, peu importe où vous êtes dans le monde, si vous êtes quelqu’un qui lutte parce que vous êtes “childless-not-by-choice”, vous vous sentirez marginalisé et isolé.

      • Nicci

        For those of you who struggle a little with French here is a very rough translation of the original comment …

        In France it is not easy to change the mentalities because everything revolves around motherhood and although I am French it feels also in our own country not necessarily understood and it is abroad that I find the most resources on a possible life without children.

        My reply in English

        Thank you for your comment. I am sorry that my reply won’t be in perfect French. I hope that you can understand the essence of what I am saying though. I wasn’t aware that there is no support in France. Being English, and doing so much over the Internet, we looked for English Speaking support. Ten years ago, there was very little support in England or on-line. Thankfully that is now changing slowly. Hopefully as thing improve elsewhere in the world France will quickly follow.

        As for general attitudes it is strange that we all see things differently. I had thought that in France in many ways it was so much easier. Whilst children are the focus of the family when you see large families socialising together then children are present and yet not the centre of attention. They are expected to be respectful to their elders and be quiet when told they are making too much noise. Behaving badly because they are bored is not an option. In a restaurant in England if a child is bored then everything has to stop so that the child can be entertained. I expect the unhappy reality is that no matter where you are in the world, if you are someone who is struggling because you are Childless-not-by-choice, you are going to feel marginalised and isolated.